"The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment, is a secret which but few discover." — Joseph Addison

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Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
Me: Oh ok cool
Kidnapper: Wut
Me: This is a febreze commercial right
Kidnapper: Wut
Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh

decayingdean:

how is he doing this

bloodstiel:

queenquong:

bloodstiel:

what? johnlock? you mean John Locke, the 17th century English philosopher and Father of Classical Liberalism

*cries real tears* NO! johnlock is way more important!!

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Squabblers

queensroad:

even if hannibal wasn’t a cannibalistic serial killer why would you want to hang out with him anyway he’s so pretentious

"heart tartare" kiss my ass hannibal order a pizza

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mvtk42:

ironychan:

What, exactly, are all the skeletons fighting about?

Did somebody assassinate Archduke Femurdinand?

When I read this I put my phone down, walked out of the room, then sat at my kitchen table reevaluating the life choices I’ve made that led me to this moment.

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